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Note: This "story" first saw light in Gothik APA #14. John Goodrich, our Central Mailer at the time, had come up with a fun contest called the Gothik Invitational. Here's John's description of this Invitational:  "Comic companies are creating more and stranger inter-publisher crossovers than ever. Superman vs. Aliens? The Punisher in Archie comics? Star Trek and the X-Men! This is ridiculous! So let's all do the Big Boys one better; come up with the most strange, bizarre, and incongruous cross-over you can. You must use characters that are already in comics, either current or past, and take is as far as you like, anywhere from a single line to a page-long skeleton script. The more you develop the idea, the funnier it'll be and the more votes you'll likely get. Make us laugh, because everyone in the APA gets to vote."
Click here for the origin of the Flaming Carrot.

Flaming Carrot vs. The Legion of Super-Heroes

Click here for the origin of the Flaming Carrot! FLAMING CARROT MEETS THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #1
WRITTEN BY MIKE HODGE, FROM AN IDEA BY TAMARA HODGE; ART BY BOB BURDEN
In Stores December 15. After having been thrown into the future unexpectedly, Flaming Carrot decides to join the Legion of Super-Heroes. They seem like good kids and some of those babes are pretty hot. But can he succeed when all of the male Legionnaires get jealous of him as the female members swoon under the spell of his hip mannerisms and idiot savant charm.

What follows is a brief outline of the plot along with select bits of dialogue and illustrations.

The explosion rocked the Legion clubhouse. On duty legionnaires, Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl and Phantom Girl rushed out, ready to battle whatever evil lay ahead. As the smoke cleared they found no evil only a being laying on the ground. It had two arms and two legs with webbed feet and an long thin orange head with a smoky flame on top. Except for the head and feet it looked like a human male. He wore a white shirt and brown pants but something didn t seem quite right. Saturn Girl flew up to see if he was all right.

"Be careful" Cosmic Boy said, "This could be a trap."

"I don't think so. I'm not even sure he's alive," Saturn Girl said as she landed near his head. She bent down, closed her eyes and appeared to concentrate very hard. She looked up eventually and said, "I'm just not getting any readings from his mind."

At that moment the man's hand came up and grabbed her leg. Saturn Girl screamed and shot into the sky carrying the man with her. "Peek-a-boo," he said looking up her skirt. She backhanded him across his carrot-like head and he lost his grip and fell to the earth. Luckily the ground broke his fall.

"UT!" he said on impact and then sat up rubbing his neck. The Legionnaires gathered around him but kept a safe distance.

"Who are you and how did you get here?" Cosmic Boy said stabbing an accusatory finger at the dazed stranger.

"I am Flaming Carrot. I fight for good, I fight for justice, I like to fight."

"Why couldn't I read any of your thoughts?" Saturn Girl said.

"Don't know about that," Flaming Carrot said. "All I know is Dr. Heller said not to touch his machine and then left the room. I wondered why he said that and touched it. Now I am here."

Flaming Carrot got up and then bent over to pick up his pez and a stink bomb that had fallen out of his utility belt. Phantom Girl and Saturn Girl both noticed his manly physique and nudged each other with their elbows.

Pajama Party!"Hey, I've got an idea," Phantom Girl said. "Why don't you hang out with us? If your super powers are good enough you could even join the Legion."

"That sounds like a good idea," Flaming Carrot said noticing the attractive young women in front of him. "You should call all your friends and we could have a pajama party."

"Well I don't know about that," Cosmic Boy said and followed the others into the Legion Clubhouse.

The evening went well for Flaming Carrot and some of the Legionnaires. He really enjoyed meeting Shrinking Violet and exclaimed, "Man O Manechevitz" when he saw what Triplicate Girl's power was. The female Legionnaires really took to the idea of a pajama party and reveled in a night of Flaming Carrot's wacky antics.

The male Legionnaires were not so thrilled. Flaming Carrot seemed to be horning in on all of their usual action. Most of the guys spent the night playing poker and generally grousing about being ignored.

Near the end of the evening the Legion Alarm sounded.

"Legionnaires, giant puppet men are attacking Earth. You must assemble and defeat them," the President of Earth said through the alarming loud speaker.

"Hey, this is your chance to prove your Carrot powers are good enough to join the Legion of Super-Heroes," Saturn Girl said slipping out of her pajamas and back into her super-hero costume.

"Yes, let's see if you have any powers at all," Lightning Lad said throwing down a pair of threes he was trying to bluff Brainiac 5 with.

"Hmmm ..." Flaming Carrot said, " Puppet Men can be very tricky."

As they left the Legion Club House the Legionnaires and Flaming Carrot were surrounded by Giant Puppet Men. Of course Giant Puppets are about the size of a normal man, so it looked to be a pretty even fight, but the puppets were far more numerous and virtually immune to all of the Legion's powers.

Flaming Carrot made some headway slugging his way through the crowd but there were just too many of them.

Pogo-a-go-go

"Cover me!" he shouted to the Legionnaires and pulled his Nuclear Powered Pogo Stick out of his carrot head. He bounced away from the mass of puppet men as they overwhelmed the Legion.

Triple the FunWhile in the air Flaming Carrot saw a man on a platform working some controls. Puppet men surrounded the man at the controls. More puppet men came out from the base of the platform. Flaming carrot bounced over and on top of some puppet men and got very close to the man at the controls. Flaming Carrot then shot him dead with his pistol. All the puppets stopped as he fell away from the controls.

Later back at the Legion club house all of the members gathered to discuss what Flaming Carrot had done.

"Thanks for helping save the Earth, Flaming Carrot," Saturn Girl said, "But there's no way you can join the Legion of Super-Heroes."

"That's right," Cosmic Boy said. "We don't use deadly force and we can't let anyone join who does. Brainiac 5 has done some research and knows that you come from Earth’s distant past. We are prepared to send you back if you're ready to go."

"Going home would be good," Flaming Carrot said. "But send me tomorrow. I have a date with Triplicate Girl tonight."

FIN


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Flaming Carrot™ and Flaming Carrot Comics™ © 2000 Bob Burden.
The Legion of  Super-Heroes and all related characters and likenesses are © 2000 DC Comics.